Also this is going to be really awkward if the F3 placements don't turn out like I think they're going to
BB:
YOU WERE SO USELESS I WANT TO SHOVE YOU IN MY VAGINA AND DROWN YOU IN MY PUSSY JUICES.
Jenna:
YOU WERE BORING.
Zane:
WHY DID YOU QUIT? YOU WERE BEGINNING TO PLAY THE GAME.
Sean:
YOU WERE BORING.
Papa Bear:
Sweet mother of vagina tasting jesus. You were hands down the biggest trainwreck in any ORG I've ever seen. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you made deals with literally everyone in the game. EVERYONE. I mean, you WERE the first 4 episodes. You MADE the first 4 episodes. You brought more entertainment in your 4 episodes then like, at least 2 people who made it all the way to the Jury. And your confessionals, oh dear don't even get me started on those, because they were full of delusional mess. And to top it all off, YOU LIED ABOUT BEING IN A FUCKING CAR WRECK THAT PUT YOU IN A WHEELCHAIR. Yeah, that's right players, he LIED.
Mad Dog:
You were alright, I guess.
Lisa:
I was not a fan of you, because you had a arrogance to you that was very unwarranted. You thought you had this in the bag, and were already thinking about the merge when there was still a good 3-4 rounds before we got there. And that's what made your blindside all the more beautiful, because you didn't even see it coming.
Keith:
I can't stress this enough, but I'm PISSED THE FUCK OFF that you weren't removed from the game much sooner. You only showed up once every round and asked who to vote for and then pre-voted and left. You were technically an inactive, so to see you make it all the way to the F14 while Papa Bear left early was disgusting IMO.
Artis:
Are you a robot? I swear to god you are a robot, because you seem to always be calculating in your head. Your idea to vote out Angie in your boot round to make Kirati seem less threatening in the merge is probably one of the most oddest plans I've ever heard formulated in an ORG, and I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like that before. And I really felt bad for you cause you were voted out because your tribe is fucking retarded and didn't realize the ambassador from the other tribe is the one breaks the tribe, so it was disappointing to see you go out like that.
Stacey:
I don't like you. In fact I loathe you. Your shtick or whatever the fuck you want to call it is not cute, not funny, not clever, it's just plain pathetic. You pretty much made this game boring because everyone was trying to get you out so the longer you stayed, the less unpredictable it became. So fuck you.
Ramona:
*cracks knuckles* I've been waiting for this moment for weeks now. See, it amazes me, that on a season with Tina & Stacey, you STILL manage to be the worst contestant of the game. The fact that you were pissed off that Jeff/Debb decided to go with Kimmi/Tina over you/Rich/Hayden is complete delusion on your part. See, I don't know if you noticed, but TINA & KIMMI WERE ON ORIGINAL MADHESI. WHY THE FUCK WOULD JEFF & DEBB TURN ON ONE OF THEIR OWN? WHY WOULD YOU THINK THEY WOULD DO THAT? That's just retarded. Why would Jeff/Debb turn on their original friends for people they just met like 3 rounds ago? I don't understand why your mentally fucked up brain would believe that. And to call Jeff "pathetic" for turning on you like that is funny, because in case you haven't noticed, JEFF IS THE MOTHERFUCKING WINNER BITCH. HE'S THE MOTHERFUCKING WINNER. So sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up you useless sack of shit.
Hayden:
By far the most boring juror. You just followed Rich's orders the entire game. I expected more from you.
Denise:
You literally left at the worse possible time, because you were just starting to turn into the HBIC of the game. You managing to get Richard to flip at the F10 vote is still one of the more underrated moves in this game and something you deserve more credit for.
Rich:
Rich, don't beat yourself down, you were not a goat here. You didn't stand a very good chance of winning, but you're not a goat. You were the head honcho of the Rai 3, and played a pivotal role in the Lisa blindside. When the merge hit you were forced to turn on your allies for your own survival and that's something I really liked, because you were shown to use any means to survive. Honestly, you just need to work on your social game, because that's what did you in here. If you can be more social then I think you'll be a really good player.
Angie:
Dear god you were so naive in this game. Ngl, you annoyed your Kirati tribemates to the point where Lisa/Artis/Carter were willing to turn on you, and Artis even tried to make a move against you in the last round before the merge. But I think the thing that stands out most is sacrificing yourself and giving your Idol to Carter. I still say it's a dumb move, but it really showed the bond you two made at the merge and made things interesting.
Debb:
I dunno. I mean your shtick was disgusting yet hilarious. But strategic wise you were really just following orders from my perspective.
Chris:
You were an extremely perceptive player and I think people underestimated you as a real threat to win this thing. Your move to flip on Kirati at the F9 seemed right at the time because it was clear to me (and the other lurkers) that you were at the bottom of the totem pole there. Then you were pretty much forced to work with Carter again after Tina decided to betray her F3 deal with you/Debb and target you. But yeah, very underestimated player, and you knew how to slide through the cracks.
Carter:
Your transformation in this game was fucking amazing. You went from sweet, loyal & innocent Carter to badass, reckless, underdog Carter after Angie was voted off and it couldn't have come at a better time, because sweet, loyal & innocent Carter sucked. You were pretty much the center of attention the last 3 rounds and the way you played the game and your underdog status definitely earned your placement as an All-Star IMO.
Kimmi:
OK, not gonna lie, you sorta bombed the FTC, but I still believe you deserve second over Tina. Your social game was on point, and was the main reason everyone saw you as the biggest threat. And as much as I love Jeff, seeing you take him out at the F5 would've been epic but of course fucking Chris had to sell you out. And I am genuinely impressed you managed to survive to the F3 despite having been a main target almost every round.
Tina:
To say that you were #TeaseTina would be an understatement. You would entertain everyone's strategies, pretend to go along with them, and then shut them all down and make sure it was a pagonging. Your confessionals were a delusional mess because you never were the HBIC, you were nowhere near the HBIC, and the fact that you got votes here tonight despite spewing a lot of BS & lies at the FTC is disgusting to me. You lead everyone to believe that you were actually flipping the game with them, only to lie and just vote them out, pissing them all off. Now normally, I would think that is brilliant gameplay, but here's the problem... No one has noticed that you did this, and because you didn't actually make any moves, and you have nothing to show for it but cock teasing the jurors and pissing them off while remaining loyal to the Madhesi that were all outplaying you. You're Albert. You are literally Albert. Remember Albert? The guy that got 0 votes at the FTC in South Pacific? That's you. So if your plan was to ruin the season and simultaneously tank your game along with it, then bravo lady! You did it!
Jeff:
THANK JUPITER'S COCK THAT YOU WON THIS THING. The jurors may not have seen it, but from the Lurker's and Hosts perspective, you clearly played the best game. You were a social butterfly and you knew how to charm the fuck out of people and make them feel special. You were given literally every idol clue in the game, all because you played a strong social game and had connections. You made sure you talked to everyone to cover all your bases and make them feel like they can trust you. And it worked. And to top it all off, your strategic game was on point. You orchestrated the Lisa blindside, the Stacey blindside, the Ramona vote off, the Richard vote off. You had a lot of influence in most of the decisions of the game, and you STILL managed to be entertaining. You were like a cartoon villain in the game because you lied and fucked over a lot of people and then laughed about it in your confessional, and your confessionals were pure GOLD. You were the STAR of the game, and you also managed to be the winner, and that's just amazing.
